goodbye to another year
The last day of the year. Well, the Gregorian calendar year, because the Tzolkin is halfway and that’s only two ways to measure a year. Still. Widely spread, today is the last day of the year. And traditionally, when we’re at the end of things, we reflect. It’s a fun tradition. I started my own tradition on this blog, years ago, to reflect on the year, trying many different things. I broke up the year in months, added photos, made lists, mostly wrote short snippets about highlights. Then, I started to reflect more in writing. I picked December 31st as my day for writing, not just because it’s the last…
getting over the impossible past
2012. On The Impossible Past. I’m mourning two very significant relationships in this period. But I also just started dating M then, so that’s what the more upbeat songs spoke to me about. I’ve been having a horrible time. I’ll never find anything again. I’ll fuck it up. Happiness is just a moment. Don’t underestimate the aftershocks of ending an almost seven-year relationship. Yet it helps to have someone there to hold your hand as you go through new life, new places, new people. The Menzingers became ‘our thing’. 2014. Rented World. Throw in AFI’s Burials and Bayside’s CULT and of course Trio’s My Shame Is True and mix together…
Things I learned in 2017
I am surrounded by beautiful radiant souls that are supportive and worthy of support [cis] [white] [straight] [male] privilege is gross and needs to be abolished change is inevitable have no tolerance for bullshit address toxic and problematic behaviour leave behind toxic situations as fast as you can if it doesn’t change nobody is an island work on the things that need to happen [being proactive pays off] love fully and without regret, but don’t lose sight of your boundaries SAY NO TO MANIPULATIVE BULLSHIT communicate open and honestly trust no boy who says his ex is “a crazy [evil] [immature] bitch” practice radical self-care some people do not deserve…
Twenty years
It’s been twenty years this year. I am taking my moment to sit and think and write. It’s a thing I do each year and I like it. So here I am again. The weather outside is atrocious. Drops of rain hitting against the window, reminding me of memories hitting when I least expect them. I always think to myself “People who haven’t lived through this, do not understand.” Grief. And the way grief hits you randomly sometimes. When the weather is too rainy, too dark, too cold outside. A specific street in Rotterdam where I don’t like to ride my bike. The road to the hospital. Memories of cycling…
October 8
If you would have told me one year ago where I would be right now, I wouldn’t have believed you. I was on a train in Belgium, on my way to Kortrijk. The trains, yellow lights in old and empty stations, blue signs with stark white letters and flashes of Belgian landscapes were giving me flashbacks to when I still lived in Belgium. I was contemplating my life while undertaking an adventure, doing the thing that felt right in the face of sad circumstances. As much as I told myself “home is with my loved ones”, I did not have a home then. Spending my life in trains was a…
![a happy little family and a premie baby [spoiler alert: the baby is me]](https://i0.wp.com/viefcakes.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/181231.jpg?resize=1140%2C566&ssl=1)
