room for thought ♡ september 2014

Wow! It’s OCTOBER already?!?! Well. Since I’m super behind on everything in my life, all of the time, but I still manage to [sometimes] remember to take a picture everyday because of this cute app called ROOM for thought ~ I figured why not just collect all these pictures in one go? So, here’s my September!
overview RFT 1409
There were baths, job interviews, visits to Delft, Antwerpen, Gent, Kortrijk, London and Amsterdam,  A WEDDING!!!, friends and wifey dates, trials for a video I still haven’t made properly, gree hair adventures, sleepovers, kitties, cutiefaces, moviedates, a new dress, live music, roller derby practices, lots of food and also showers. Coincidentally, I went to Wagamama twice after not having been in ages. Also, apparently I stick my tongue out a lot.

So yep, wow, that’s a lot of eventful things in one month! Remember when I wanted to make cute PMA lists of things that made me happy in that month?

Well, this month I was happy that

  • Doctor Who is back! yesss!
  • I went on a shopping spree with my wifey, got the cutest skirt, shoes and awesome hat ♡ also happy birthday
  • my best friend got married and it was great to be part of that ♡
  • I survived the open training with Rotterdam Roller Derby and it was amazing and I’m gonna keep training as a juvie (°◡°♡)
  • I fiiiiinally went to see Guardians of the Galaxy with my friend
  • I went to London for Revelry, the Tea Party Club’s seventh anniversary event and it was sooo much fun ♡ as always
  • loved loved loved seeing my friends from all over the world there, and especially the Leeds crew ♡ ♡ ♡
  • seriously, there were so many great lolitas there! not in the least the designer of Metamorphose!
  • and I got to twin with Annso again! yayyyy ♡
  • of course: the after party! - it’s always the best part ( •ॢ◡-ॢ)
  • and Aliki & Mark’s hospitality ♡ thank you so much!
  • I saw a lot of Annso {in Belgium, UK and the Netherlands!} in one month, actually, ♡ so much love for this girl
  • the Dutch lolitas were filmed for a cool project I can hopefully tell more about soon
  • had fun times {on several occasions} with my Rotterdam friends ♡ so nice to hang with them again
  • most importantly, a very special new person~ ♡o。.(✿ฺ。 ✿ฺ)
  • who went to see a bout {roller derby game} with me, which by the way was TOTALLY AWESOME ♡

and then suddenly September was over! Bring on October!

xoxo

bridlington ♡ beach

Hello hi, it’s been a very crazy very busy two months, but I finally have energy to post something again. Sooooo, in June when I was still in the UK, Beccy offered to go to the seaside before I left (to go “see my people”), so we all dressed up in our Nightmare Rising sailor JSKs and had a fun day out!

Still the only time this year that I've been to the beach, come back sun please? I want to go again so badly (-。-;

It was my first time in Bridlington, and it was lovely! We enjoyed all the little seaside shops {amazing fabric shops! and candy, candy is a big thing near the sea} and the arcades of course, we did horse racing and that was so much fun! Each of us won something, we each got loom bands. In case you don’t know what that is, it’s a craze with children all over the world, basically you get little rubber bands and you make bracelets by connecting them all. We also had lunch in the very cute little organic bakery where they had very nice vegan food, I had a yummy burger and a brownie for dessert! After this we strolled along the seaside and on the beach [shells, many shells, shells everywhere] and passed the cute pastel coloured houses… and many MANY many many dogs! Sooo many cute dogs!

{140614} "Yes it's a real shark!"  welcome to the seaside There was this amaaaaaaazing fabric shop!  I wanted that shiny sparkly fabric soooo much
{140614} arcade~ #latergram ~ gambling gambling, allllll our money lostttt "I'm in an arcade"-selfie + monsters inc catcher!! I suck at catchers so I didn't play it U__U;;
We all won at the horse races!! whoooooooooo!! Treasure Island pirate ghostwalk whaaaaatttt Most delicieus organic vegan food - wowowow
This way for England "stuff" upload ☆彡
Bridlington @themightymushroom ❤️✨ Trying a thing where hopefully if I don't do that crazy thing with the rounded corners anymore it will take less time to post :'] who am I kidding
upload I just wanna beee, swimmin' in the seeea~MY PEOPLE ARE IN THERE!! TAKE ME BAAAACK!!!!
♡
✨Bridlington ✨ All tha cool kids are doing it~*~* ✨✨✨

I had a lovely lovely day even though it was very windy and a bit overcast, I think Bridlington is a gorgeous seaside town and I recommend it! ♡ Thank you girls for taking me !! ♡

Michaela & Beccy being cuties cutiepie

photo by michaelaphoto by Michaela~

o_d_dbl

JSK • Nightmare Rising by Rouge Aerie Designs ♡ Socks, cardigan, shoes • offbrand ♡ wristcuffs • AP ♡ parasol • Baby ♡ necklace • Taobao

 

I like that we all wore the same sailor dress! and still styled it differently. How cute is Michaela’s backpack!? and hat!? And Beccy ‘s beret and rocking horse shoes that are much nicer than mine… I wore my new mermaid necklace that Beccy helped me get from Taobao but I didn’t get a good picture of it. Ahh I ♡ love ♡ the sea! I want to go back!! ♡ ♡ ♡

xoxo

lolitas of Leeds ♡ ILD summer 2014

Room for Thought

Hallo hallo, long time no blog!! Well, I’m freeeeeee [pretty much] from university now, so, time to catch up!

Every summer and winter, lolitas all over the world celebrate International Lolita Day, which falls on the first weekend of June and first weekend of December. I think the official day is on a saturday for some reason but a lot of people also have meet ups and celebrations on the sunday. Which was the case for us, Lolitas of Leeds, because we held a SUPER GIANT MEGA MEET on Sunday the 8th of June.

Just grand! Loli day!

© A Shot In The Dark© A Shot In The Dark

When I say super giant mega meet I mean it was the BIGGEST LOLITA MEET UP IN LEEDS so far, and there were 40 people there. BOOYA!

© A Shot In The Dark

The lovely Michaela and I conspired together to host a nice afternoon tea party with a lot of fun and games and also PRIZES. (⁎⁍̴̛͂▿⁍̴̛͂⁎)*✲゚*。⋆♡ It was so much fun! Of course since it was a tea party there was tea, sandwiches, even cake and a special cocktail. I didn’t get to drink it but it was called “pomi loli” and looked very nice. There were vegetarian and vegan sandwiches as well, and scones, and for those who didn’t eat scones there was vegan chocolate cake! Thank you to Michaela for making the food requests for the lolis with allergies or other dietary restrictions. ♡

Lemonadeeee Pomi loli

Michaelaaaa TEAAAAAA

Pomi Loli Cocktail

Sandwiches! Vegan choco cake!

We did bingo!! Maybe it’s something British, maybe I’m just not too familiar with bingo, but there were all these funny names for the numbers, like “22” is “two little ducks” and “88” is “two fat ladies”. But then some other were really boring (“12″ was “a dozen” and then “24” was “two dozen” etc… okay??) or just really random or weird. Although, this made it more hilarious! “ヽ(´▽`)ノ”

© A Shot In The Dark Bingo time!!

More bingo~

Bingo!
Prizesssss

Happy Hannah

After bingo it was time for the MEGA QUIZ!! ((┌|o^▽^o|┘))♪ There were 50 questions in this mega pop quiz. Round one was a picture round with various things related to Lolita. Round two was “guess the print” with special guest Hannah. The twist on this round was that Hannah doesn’t know the names of prints so she often describes them in a really funny, often more honest way. It’s always hilarious to see what she comes up with! But it also made the round quite hard! ꉂ (ᵔ̴̶̤᷄ꇴ ॣᵔ̴̶̤᷅⌯))л̵ʱªʱª⁎*.*

Guess the print!
Guess the print hilarity!

Round three was my round, mythical creatures! Some questions were a bit tricky but I was really proud of the Bows of Steel group who got all the answers! ∗˚೫˳(●ᴖ͙̏ᴗॢᴖ͙̋●)˳೫˚∗ Round four was Michaela’s round full of Yorkshire facts… I would have sucked at that round to be honest! Haha. Good thing I wasn’t playing. Did you know athletes from Yorkshire won 12 medals in the 2012 olympics? Yeahhh!! The fifth and last round was General Lolita Knowledge, for which Michaela and I did 5 questions each. It was a fierce competition because a lot of people did really well! In the end I hope everyone enjoyed the quiz.

© A Shot In The Dark © A Shot In The Dark

I’m not going to post everyone’s outfit pictures because there were so many people BUT I will say that everybody did their best and looked fabulous and it made me sooooo happy!! (♡ᵉ̷͈ัॢωᵉ̷͈ัॢ )‧₊°♡ Special thanks to Kimberley from A Shot In The Dark who took so many lovely pictures for us! ♡ ♡ ♡

Here’s some group photos:

Our table!
© A Shot In The Dark © A Shot In The Dark © A Shot In The Dark
© A Shot In The Dark

Just Grand! crew

The Just Grand! crew

Crazy shot!

My favourite picture of the day!!!

Silly bins At the Belgrave

♡

After the official meet was over, a few of us went to the Belgrave, which has a lovely roof terrace. I had some of the handcooked chips, they were lovely. And then when I got home, I made a video. This is my second try at making a short video about stuff I’m doing, nothing fancy, and it took me three days to find an editing program that didn’t completely die on me. I need to work on what I wanna say, but I do wanna continue making videos. In the end I think it’s fun! Let me know what you think?

closeup closeup

© A Shot In The Dark © A Shot In The Dark

o_d_pumi

JSK, headbow ☆ Angelic Pretty

Blouse ☆ H&M

Bolero ☆ Baby, the Stars Shine Bright

Shoes ☆ Forever 21

Socks, wristcuffs ☆ Angelic Pretty

Accessories ☆ Angelic Pretty & offbrand

I think this was a really amazing meet up and it leaves me with many good memories before I have to leave, but I don’t wanna talk about that, so, thanks for reading! ( •ॢ◡-ॢ)-♡

xoxxxox

photo credits: Jo ; A Shot In The Dark photography

instagram ♡ december 2013

I thought it would be fun to share my instagram pictures in one place. I know it’s a bit image heavy because I took a trip to the Netherlands and Belgium and was really happy to be using instagram again, haha, so maybe that’s a sign I should do these posts a bit more often and a bit more staggered

Tea telling the truth ☆彡 This is a thing called a present. The whole thing starts with a box. Good smelling gifts in bright coloured paper ; and the whole thing's topped with a unicorn~ <thanks friends! so spoiled!> Someone fix these unfinished legs of mine - they are in need of tattoos sooo badly. Pretending the bubbles are the clouds that are his home~
Wednesday socieTEA meetings. We've been having so much fun this year, it's great! Thanks guys! Thursday. Spots and stripes. drink me curiouser and curiouser Today. My makeup haul cause I needed new mist&set, and powder... So I got all this for 50% off ^_^ Wagamama with Lolitas of Leeds for International Lolita Day!
Get your 3D on~ <photo by Sophie> Frozen-inspired coord for International Lolita Day! ☆彡 ✽(′ॢᵕ ‵ *ॢ)✽ஐ✯♡ Not as elegant as Anna and Hans hahahaha. ♡ Vegan banana walnut choco loaf~ ❄️☆ ❄️Snooooowwww queeen ❄️☆❄️ Mafia boss seems kind of disappointed I didn't gave a hat she could steal but look, I was wearing a tiara.
Sunday morning care package. Warm muffins. Scented candle. Root veg crisps. Nuts. Very important Trio CD. A letter. Monday. Food from Terrace amid crazy library sessions. Avocado and pepper wrap - I thought it would be warm but it was cold, but still taaaasty! ♪ war of worlds in real time ♪ Tea time at @mrsathas with the most gorgeous cups as per usual and yummy vegan coconut raspberry muffin! My tea was like a green tea but-not-really. Yummm! ♡ Small obsession with fancy vintage teacups~
Another #pretty #vintage #teacup. But this time used for  homemade hot chocolate. Universally acknowledged truth Irony. I bought this card one day in York when we were visiting in summer. Must have been the end of June. Something was up, I don't remember exactly, but I was getting the silent treatment and basically being ignored. We found this really cute shop full When I say fancy, I mean FANCY
Once upon a time, the #lolitasofleeds played #dungeonsanddragons. It was a glorious time. We fought bumble bees and spoke to eels. Outfit to match my sea-creature character. I  this dress and my tight have narwhals on whooopp~* The last awesome cupcake ☆彡 Nom nom nom ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ vegan brooowwwniieeeee~ A Very AP Christmas prequel, outfit for the last #lolitasofleeds meet of 2013! Christmas lunch at Interlude **(ू•ω•ू♡)** ☆彡
Adventures! ❄️ (◍′◡‵◍) upload Let's-talk-things-out-just-got-tattooed-don't-wanna-cook-vegan-pizza The one day I was really proud of my #ponytail and needed to remember with this #selfie :'] #latergram
♡ Even if it's pink. Can't bring down my love of crochet. ♡ ☆彡 ☆ ☆ ☆ Favourite things. Bye UK~ Hello Netherlands~
Excuse me sir, there's a plane on your roof. Cup of tea after landing. ※♡☃♡※ Brunch~ Oh Benelux trein. I have not missed you that much... Zuurdesemcroissant, love of my life.
NL train arrives late. Some twat yells "Lady Gaga" and I give him the finger while I run up the escalator from the basement pits of Antwerpen Centraal to get to the highest level. For the record, I NEVER do that. Never ever get negative back when people s ♡ Hey, HENT! Long time no see! Catching up.
FRIETJES!!! ♡♡ Look it's @camimari's fat cat!  cute cute cute! But sneaky! Teapot handle-helper? Or nose warmer? Modeled by @camimari Ma mimiche d'amour après trop trop longtemps!! ♡♡♡ ☆ So happy to be there.
Obligatory F21-changing-room-mirror-selfie Lush stuff always looks so good I wanna eat ittttt We ❤️ Lush Christmas gifts!!  Photo by Lush Antwerp Such nice people! What other shop allows you to take pictures and even takes pics of you?! ⭐️ Photo by Lush Antwerp
Finally seeing my Belgian Loli friends was ♡ Miss you cuties!! ♡ photo with and by the adorable @asiancookieayu ♡ Disney store! ♡ Fanni, me, Annso ♡ photo by @asiancookieayu I didn't get a good picture with Annso (even if we were all matching and stuffff), but here's one of these two cuties together ♡ ♡ ♡ photo by @asiancookieayu Twinkle Ornament. I love it so much. I can only wear it once a year but not sorry to just wear it once a year every year!
* Annso lent me her gorgeous #babythestarsshinebright #headbow. ✨I love itttt Pretty lights ✨ Antwerpen Centraal Look at this perfection Selfies selfies selfies ☆彡 The Cakes wifeys out wearing AP, as it should be~
( ᵒ̴̶̷̤̀ुωᵒ̴̶̷̤́ू )・*♡ ꒰⁎˃ ॢꇴ ॢ˂⁎꒱➴ෆ⃛ Miracle Candy finally after soooooo long!! ☆彡 ෆ⃛(⑅ ॣ•͈૦•͈ ॣ)꒳ᵒ꒳ No time to do photomaton? Fine, we'll take a million bad quality selfies... ~* ☆彡
Made a collar with a button closure on the inside so it's hidden ^__^ I need this for in my white kitchen in my house in the forest... One day. ♡*゜ฅˆ•ﻌ•ˆฅ♡* *☆* ♡ It's called a dreamdress for a reason hu hu~ so in love ♡
❤️❤️❤️Love the little candies, love the big red white bow, love the bow I got as a gift with the dress ❤️❤️❤️ Finished commission!! ☆彡 Big collar with big {detachable} bow, inside button closure and pearl accents. Commissioned large pink crochet collar in organic cotton with large detachable red bow and pearl accents. ♡ Second commission: smaller, lighter pink collar to create a nice layered effect.
giant Christmas tree outside city hall They don't really do a tree. These are quite tiny. However I thought these were cute. ☆ Already brought way too much crochet stuff on this trip... ☆ Go out to buy emergency supplies {need 1 colour and 1 hook} ☆ Come back with this. Oooops. ☆ ☆彡 Went for a walk on Christmas Day. Kralingse Bos. Where I spent many of my childhood summers.
"The best view of Rotterdam" ☆彡 ♡〜 "When the winds of change blow, some build walls, others build windmills."  - proverb ☆彡 ☆
Stuff I bought / got in Belgium. Christmas present to myself! Love this game! It's so much fun! I love the "surprise!" cards (﹡ˆ﹀ˆ﹡)♬ Christmas face. ✨ Unexpected Christmas gifts. Ohhh delicious peach yofu why are you not available in the UK?!  ‎٩(๑꒦ິȏ꒦ິ๑)۶”
My outfit for Christmas 2013. {plus all possible accessories, which I didn't use all (•̀ᴗ-)} Day Dream Carnival ~ details ♡ {Christmas 2013} Day Dream Carnival with and without fluffy thing~ ☆彡
"I reject these BARBARIC DEMANDS!" Super high tech mode of communication with Lowlanders. My father made a delicious vegan cake for Christmas dinner. The chocolate on top was an accident but I thought it made it extra tasty! ✨ ☆彡 After-Christmas-Lush-sale which all smells amazing. Rabbit food at an old favourite with an old favourite.
Funny how we live in the same country but have to fly back to where we came from (got away from) to meet up. ☆彡 ♡ food + face ♡ Dessert. Point of view one. Dessert. Point of view two. {also try two} Dessert. Point of view halfway-through. ♡
☆彡 I soooooo love this dress and I will not apologise for it~ ☆彡 ☆彡 ♠︎♤⚓️ ( •ॢ◡-ॢ)
Oh hey look it's not a selfie. Result of shopping spree {some were presents} ✨ ♡ This is so cute!! The kids in the neighbourhood have been making cute mosaic tiles! I ♡ this one. ♡ Banana-maple syrup-cinnamon bagel. Don't mind if I do!!
Sometimes you meet people and you know that they will stick with you for many many many years. ♡ Missing these faces soooo much right now!! {worm in food, not so much.} Who loves photomaton? We do! ☆彡
Tasty tasty lunch during a day of shopping with my bestie, peeeerfect. Trying on stuff in the super mirror changing booth of Monki. Went for the one on the right. ( ˘ ³˘) Cutest little #robot #bathbomb ever!! ✨ I like to take photos in changing rooms cause it helps me decide. In this case the decision fell on right bottom corner. Thank you, H&M sale~ ☆彡 Best friends give the best care packages ♡
☆彡 ☆彡♡ Getting utterly lost in the clusterfuck that's Utrecht Centraal isn't so bad when you run into this. ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
snoodface Spent the last day of 2013 walking to my bestie who sold me vegan oliebollen and then also eating said oliebollen after she was done working.  I hate this fucking day so fucking much but small things made it better. 15 years of love ♡♡♡♡ no distance or bullshit can break us~ Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being the person to be ringing in the new year with. I know I'm a mess, I know I run away a lot, I know it makes us sad to be apart, I know most of that is my fault for leaving. I know it sucks we mostly tal

Wellllppp that’s it!! ♡ I hope you had a good Christmas and New Year! If you have instagram too, follow me if you want !! ♡

xoxoxoxo

December 31

Hey, blog. Long time no see. I apologise in advance that this is a long read.

I figured at some point I would take the time to explain what has been happening with me. In case anybody cared… but mostly for myself. I used to write a diary when I was young, and then I used to write a virtual diary when I was a little older, and I would always take the time on this stupid day, to write something. Many people do. We like to reflect back on a year. What was good, what was bad, what do we want out of the shiny promise of a new year?

You write diaries so you can look back on things that happened later on, and that is exactly why I keep this blog. I started it in the new year, full of new promises and good intentions. “I will definitely be better at my blog in 2013!” I thought. I had already been preparing for a few weeks before really starting it, I was excited. Of course after a few weeks it still fell apart. I’ve never been good at keeping my blog the way I want to – so why would I think this year would be any different?! But, it’s my thing that I do and probably will keep doing just because I like it. Maybe 2014 will be better. Maybe not. Who knows.

2013 has been a really weird year. It started weird, because L and I were going through a thing. However, I thought we worked through the thing. I was doing much better in Nov-Dec 2012 than previous years, so I felt like we could handle the thing. I was also going to the student counseling and actually managed to feel a lot better by the time the second semester came around.

The end of the school year was actually fine. We had worked out the thing. That was the second time we almost broke up – but it gave us new life in a way. We worked harder at our relationship and felt really quite good by the end of the academic term. I went to the Netherlands and back to see my friends [and a baby!]. Slam Dunk is worth a mention just because I saw Andrew McMahon live FINALLY and it was beautiful.

Summer 2013 was pretty great. We went to London, saw Anti-Flag, I felt good about myself. Japan Expo with my friends was quite great, there were so many memorable moments again. Every year keeps being better than the last. Even if I felt really really stupid when I missed my train and had to buy a whole new ticket to avoid being stuck in Paris… the memories of that trip are still great. My twin-twin and I modeled in a fashion show together and had a great time being twins for the rest of the trip. One of my favourite things was being Mike & Sulley when we went to Disneyland for her birthday.

Frock On!, the big Lolita event in London, was also magical. I walked in two fashion shows and had the most amazing hairdo I’ve ever had in my life. There were so many friends, old and new, and I felt really really great being in such an amazing community!

After Frock On! I went to the Netherlands to visit a festival with my sister, this was really nice. However, it marked the end of the summer and soon after the magical island-getaway it was back to the academic year. I did start a new job, which has been great and still continues to be something I like doing.

Over summer, Lobster had moved into the 4-room student house I live in. I thought we were making a life for ourselves but in the time that I was going away to Paris, London and little islands, and by the time academia forced its routine on us, we got less into a life and more into a routine. It wasn’t the most healthy routine.

All my weekends were as good as filled with really awesome social events, all of which I would gladly share at some point [but since I have no free weekends, I wonder when that will happen ] and I didn’t really notice how unhealthy the routine was becoming.

It also started to get darker and darker, and then our relationship also ended. And by saying that it ended, I mean that I got dumped.

It wasn’t pretty. It happened over the course of a few very emotional and very confusing days, but it comes down to this: I was dumped over Facebook chat. And I only say that because I hope to paint a picture of how stupid things had become. Who breaks up with another person over chat? And not even via personal phones, but over Facebook? It continued over phone conversation, while I was in my friend’s kitchen, sitting on the floor crying after I’d spend a fun morning together with my friends taking photos in Lolita… Needless to say my day was ruined. And my week. And my month.

I don’t want to get into details because that is useless. It was done, it is still done. But this whole thing, it catapulted me into a state of mind I hadn’t had in a long time. Yes, I get real bad moods sometimes. Well, I can just say that in the last two months, I’ve been forced to really take care of those bad moods because I was so scared I was going to be beaten by them. It’s been a weird battle.

Luckily, I have a great network of supportive people surrounding me, and I’m grateful for that. When I opened up on December 9th, the date of my mother’s birthday, that I really wasn’t feeling well emotionally, I was really touched by all the sweet and supportive messages I received. Really, from the bottom of my heart: thank you for that.

December 31st

Right now I’m in the Netherlands, and my immediate family have all gone on holidays to different places in the world. I’ve spent today mostly inside, just taking it slow. Taking it easy. Rethinking things. Thinking of my mother and of a time when she wasn’t resting in a bookcase.

Which takes me to this day. December 31.

This day is a special day. But not just because it’s a holiday. For me this is not just a day to reflect on a year and whether it has been good or bad. It is the day my mother died. And every year it is another year since that happened. At this point in my life I have had more without-you-years than with-you-years. It’s sad. I would always write about how much I miss, what has happened, but mostly that I haven’t forgotten, and never will. December 31 is a stupid day.

In 1997, my grandmother was staying over at our house. My grandmother was Vietnamese and spent a few months a year in Vietnam, a few months in Paris, a few months traveling around. She would also spend quite some time in the rainy and cold weather of Rotterdam. Every day she would watch the weather and complain that in Vietnam, it was about three times as hot – in the shade!

Since I was the youngest and I had a bunk bed, my room also had another bed which was my grandmother’s when she came to stay with us. This year, she was even staying with us for New Year’s. In fact, this was the year that my French family all came to visit us in the Netherlands instead of us spending Christmas in France, like we had done for all of my life before that year. The reason was that my mother was in the hospital. The good news was that she wasn’t in the Intensive Care anymore. She had a nice room to herself. I remember that we went to visit on the 30th and I had said “Oh, you have such a good view up here, you’ll have a great view of the fireworks.” I mean, I was just turned ten years old. I think I was kinda jealous. Right now I’m just trying really hard not to think how hard that must have sucked to spend the holidays in a hospital in a room by yourself.

The morning of December 31st, my father woke both my grandmother and me up, and I don’t really remember much, but I remember that my grandmother was leaning against my bunkbed while she was crying. It had happened really early in the morning. I’ve been told she was sleeping and couldn’t have felt anything and it happened really fast. It was a blood clot in the brain. To be honest, I’ve forgotten the technical details because the outcome doesn’t change.

31st of December

This little calendar thing will forever be ‘stuck’ on December 31st.

Even if our little family has moved on in all sorts of ways. Even if we eventually come to terms with things. Even if we will enjoy life in other ways. December 31st will always suck.

In one of the years after 1997, I wrote in my diary how much I hated that the cheer started so early in the morning. I hated the fireworks. I hated that she wasn’t even allowed to enjoy the ‘amazing view’ from the stupid hospital – even if my ten year old self had tried to remedy that by making everyone have sparklers at the cremation.

Maybe I didn’t understand much when I was ten years old. Or eleven or twelve or thirteen or fourteen. But this year, I understand more about myself. I have spent a lot of time trying to hide things away because I didn’t know how to cope. I have spent a lot of time trying to run away from places that made me miserable and trying to move on from people who made me upset. But as I get older, I realise it doesn’t matter where you go; as long as you don’t work on yourself, you’ll never be happy. So, in a way it’s fitting that I have ended up alone by the end of this year, I’m being forced to make myself better. I’m working on it.

I’m not going to say that 2013 was amazing, or that it was horrible. It had ups, and it had downs. I’m not going to make any promises about 2014 because I feel very ambivalent about everything right now.

The only thing I really want to happen, is that I finish my degree and accomplish something without running away for once in my life.

Not much has changed in so many years, they still start the fireworks early in the morning, the little kids run around the streets, there’s too much noise, and I don’t like it.

I don’t like December 31, and I never will. No matter where I celebrate or who I celebrate with, there will always be a part of me that won’t understand. It’s unfair when people die, and it leaves a lot of scars. I’m working on myself, but those are scars I will always bear.

phoenix

The phoenix on my side is my ode to my mother, the woman who gave me life and who I will always remember and continue to love. It’s been sixteen years, but not a day goes by that I am not changed by this, and not a day will come where I’m over it – but that is okay.

I have no idea what will happen in 2014 and right now I really don’t care, I don’t want to think about it. I just hope that I’ll get through my sadness and that people will understand. Thanks for reading. I wish you all the best in the new year.

vief ♡ clothes and food and stuff

Whoooooops, I realise my last post was two months ago! (◎ー◎;) I have been SO BUSY! Well, at least I have the “it was summer”-excuse. And I think it’s a valid excuse because my summer was really good!

My summer was so adventurous and filled with fun people and fun memories [and many fun photos that I really want to share!!] that I am really sad it is over! But on the other hand I am also reaaaaally excited about the academic year starting again. I am starting my third [and final] year at the University of Leeds. I’m taking lots of interesting modules and also have to write a dissertation. SCARY!!!

But, it’ll be fine, I hope. I have a lot of positive energy right now and some good intentions that I hope will become habits. On my list of things-I-would-like-to-keep-up is obviously this blog! And I thought instead of making really big posts once every month that drag me down, I should probably make shorter ones and update a bit more often. So, here I am, let’s just go for it!

Angelic Pretty  PARTY DOLL SKIRT

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So, catching up from April. I received an AP buy, a very simple skirt in my favourite colour, mintgreen. It is called Party Doll and it has a beautiful velveteen bow that sort of makes it look like a present! The fabric and tulle is so soft and lovely! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

Someone I follow on Tumblr was offering it for a very low price and it was just sooo perfect! My favourite colour, a cute skirt for casual wear, my favourite brand, how could I say no!?!? So I said yes, of course!! Buying via someplace that isn’t an ‘established’ way was a bit worrying to me, but she did have feedback and it was in the EU and she was very friendly in her messages – so I paid and hoped for the best. Luckily everything went well! Of course it was secondhand and there are a few flaws, but honestly, I don’t even care. This quickly grew to be one of my favourite things to wear in spring and summer, hahaha.

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THE SMOOTHIE COMPANY

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On a grey april day Lobster and I went for lunch at the Smoothie Company. This is a cute little place really close to campus that is a bit further hidden than the other cafés right opposite the Parkinson building. However, if you are in Leeds and craving a smoothie, you definitely need to check this place out!

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Reason number one: The smoothies are yummy!! Fresh fruit and all sorts of options you might want! [I had something super awesome with cinnamon! Lobster had something with mango because you can't go wrong with mango.]

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Reason number two: They also do food, it’s very reasonably priced, actually pretty cheap compared to other places in the neighbourhood, and it’s taaaasty! [A bagel with peanut butter and banana pictured here, super yummy. I have recently tasted their soup and it's awesome soup! - that's like "awesome sauce", but with soup, just sayin'.]

They will toast bagels and sandwiches for you at no extra cost. [I am looking at you, Bakery 164...]

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You can also choose to sit outside. The staff is super friendly, and they have good ethics regarding fresh products using local ingredients. Yay!

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And it’s really super duper super super super close to campus!

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Well, that was my random post for today, hope to catch up some more soon! o (◡‿◡✿)

xoxoxoxo

vief ♡ 6%dokidoki perfect book!

Let me introduce to you: the 6%dokidoki Perfect Book! It’s a mook [magazine-book] published by 6%dokidoki, of which I am a big fan. I got this thing ages ago and it’s hardly news anymore, but if you’re one of the people who hasn’t gotten this mook yet: get ittttt~!

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A bit of info: the mook has English and Japanese text and has a lot of 6%dokidoki info! Backstory, interview, and lots and lots of pictures! It’s very thick, sturdy and is nicely produced with many bright coloured pages to feast your eyes on, AND IT COMES WITH THIS COOL BAG!!! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

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I use this bag to hold all my things that don’t fit in my tiny Lolita bags. And it does the trick! It’s big, bold, beautiful and holds a lot of crap! YAY! Just what I need! The print features many popular dokidoki items such as the star clips and doki rings, among bright coloured toys… well, it’s an explosion of happiness! (⊙ヮ⊙)

It has two handles [big enough to go over your shoulder if you want it to] and closes with a zipper, and it’s pretty waterproof I believe.

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Some of my favourite pages! The pony for the My Little Pony project, the Blythe, other collaborations and our queen Kyary~! As you can see, every single page in this book is an explosion of colours! But who would’ve thought otherwise?  (⌒▽⌒)☆

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Aaaand below are the pages that my friends and I are on! I never published my adventures for 2012 yet [should I...? haha] but we met with Yuka & Vani when they came to Paris!! We had the greatest time! Such good memories and I’m sooooo grateful that they published this picture in the mook! I put little arrows but you can see better in the bigger picture ^_~

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I’m so happy and grateful to be pictured along with all these other really cool dokidokers from around the world! (*´▽`*)

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Here’s a cool video, interview with Sebastian and a look at the shoot for the mook! Enjooooy~!

Well, if you’re a dokidoker then you really need this mook! To be honest there’s a lot of Japanese content that I can’t really read but it’s still totally worth it. And HAVE YOU SEEN THAT BAG *o* I’m still soooo in love!  (●♡∀♡)

xoxxox

Question ☆ Tell something more about your tattoos? What do they mean to you/where did you get them done/random thoughts you have about them?

Well, you asked, I over-delivered. This is quite long and detailed, but I hope it answers everything and if you still have more questions, don’t hesitate to ask!

My first tattoo is a ‘secret’, it’s not really a big deal I just like to keep it as much to myself as possible. I got it when I was 18. As you may or may not know I have a history with self injury and depression and this tattoo is important to me because it means that I make my own choices and I make my own life. The past is something that shouldn’t have a hold over me and the future is something I can still influence!
I don’t like to show people this tattoo because it’s so personal but I guess I don’t mind talking about the meaning of it. It’s also a very simple thing, its appearance won’t say much when you look at it but it is of personal significance with a bit of backstory, so it makes sense to me. I got that one done when I still lived in Rotterdam and it was done by Moose, in his shop that was then still attached to the skate shop, only took half an hour or so haha.

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My second tattoo - which some people think is my first tattoo because it’s the first one I really showed to anyone - was done also in Rotterdam, by a French dude named Lionel from Out of Step. Lionel travels around a lot and I waited for him to come to the 25 to Life shop just around my 19th birthday. This one really means a LOT to me. It’s a phoenix in red – I did not want a traditional phoenix like in the Vietnamese art, but I knew when I saw Lionel’s work that he could design something original that fit with the source but also my personal character.

Phoenix are important in Vietnamese mythology and in my family. We had a lot of dragon and phoenix imagery around the house where I grew up. In a marriage, the dragon symbolises the husband, the phoenix the wife. When my mother died, an urn was made especially with the phoenix imagery on it. I think the phoenix is a very powerful image and it was always obvious that I would pick that symbol for the tattoo dedicated to my mother. For me it means that even though my mother is no longer physically in my life, she still lives on in me. In Western mythology, the phoenix gets reborn from the ashes. Literally this means her genes are passed on in me, but in a broader sense also the things she showed and taught me. I chose red because of the traditional colours, but also because I think it compliments my skin well, I love red tattoos.

Lionel also added some other personal things in there when I told him this whole story of my mother and our family, and the beauty of custom tattoos is that they are unique and so this is really mine and fits me really well. I’m incredibly proud of this tattoo because even if I don’t explain this whole novel of meaning to people, I get compliments on it – and I think tattoos should mostly look good rather than have such complex meaning haha. Yes, it’s not a style everybody wants on themselves but I’ve never had a bad reaction. Lionel not only does great work but is also just an awesome guy and I really recommend him. I thought it was really fitting that he was French and we spoke French through the whole process [as my mother was also French and taught me the language].

[side note: when going to find the link for his blog, I found out Lionel has recently tattooed one of my heroes, Chris #2 from Anti-Flag, and it made me all happy inside to read about it, so in case you're interested here is the link. I must also say major props to getting tattooed before playing a punk rock show! hardcore, my man.]

Rising from the ashes is also very close to a life motto of mine: everything is a life lesson. I rarely get where I want to be on the first try. First I stumble, I might fall, but in the end, I get there. And then I realise that I have grown so much because of the path I took, that I learned a valuable lesson. 

getting tattooed getting-tattooed-silly-face ✿◕‿◕✿

Then I have the muffin on my arm, it’s a drawing of the little creatures that I’ve thought up and have been drawing since years. [They’re called mmmmuffins.] My friend and I got that tattoo done [also in Rotterdam, at Inkstitution - but by then I didn’t live there anymore, we were on holiday!] to represent our time at art school, our love for photography and our friendship. Oh and it just looks cute. I gave it a camera and a bow to basically represent myself, haha, so kind of a vain tattoo, but now that we have it together that’s not so bad. A lot of people think it’s a cupcake but it’s a muffin but ok, that’s still cool. ヽ(´▽`;)/♪

tattoo fujis

It was a lot of fun that day because we got tattooed by the loveliest woman named Kristel! She was soooo sweet and loved our matching Lolita outfits and wanted to take pictures with us. She was even capable at calming down my friend, who gets really really nervous before and during the process, so I was impressed. Having an artist who is not only good at the tattooing but also the other aspects of their job is really important to me! Being a tiny girl doesn’t mean I necessarily need to be tattooed by other girls, just friendly fun people! So far, so good, I have to say, I’m really happy my tattoo memories are very good ones!

It was my first visible-in-normal-clothes tattoo and first time with another person, and probably the only one that I have drawn myself. [I’m actually of the opinion that tattoo artists are best at that, which they are, and self-drawn things are rarely good but I still like this haha! It's personal on multiple levels!]

tattoo twinsShe got hers done in pink just to eternally annoy me [oh and the stains on that shirt have never come out haha (︶︹︺)]

My ACTUAL cupcakes were done by Miss Pudding, with the same friend, we travelled to France for the occasion Basically I knew Pudding was a tattoo artist, and we wanted these cutesy cupcakes that would totally suit her style, and I’d met Pudding a couple of times at French events and she’s just so sweet! So it was an easy choice who to ask for this tattoo. We arranged to do it just before I moved to the United Kingdom. This time they weren’t exactly matching tattoos, but, close enough!

For me they have the meaning of me loving cupcakes, and commemorating the time I spent with the Belgian Cupcakes! Again, a lovely lady doing lovely work, I have such great memories of getting these tattoos done. The whole process is just memorable to me, not just the tattoo itself, which is really nice. To have a tattoo that represents something Lolita, done by someone who I’ve gotten to meet through the fashion, it just adds to it!  (⌒▽⌒)☆

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So far all the tattoos were just linework because I really like the way that looked. I spent a while thinking I never wanted any full-coloured tattoos because of how I think it looks on me/my body. I have now changed my opinion, however, I also still really like my linework things and will keep them that way because they weren’t meant to be coloured in. When I saw Pudding’s work on my friend – she got her cupcakes coloured in – I got a little bit hesitant for a second because it just looked really good! Haha. But it’s been two years now and I’ve grown so used to what they look like, I’m happy with it.

My scissors are a copy of Heather Gabel’s art for Alkaline Trio because I just fucking love Alkaline Trio and Heather’s art. Scissors are a big deal there. I didn’t just want the heartskull because that’s not for me but the scissors resonate with me. I specifically wanted these black and white and red all over ;D

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I always wanted the vintage seam stocking lines because I love seamed stockings but like actual vintage ladies am too poor to keep buying quality seamed stockings and spend all day trying to keep the line straight… so I just went with the idea of the tattoo. However, getting just lines is boring and I already had the cupcakes there. Having broken up lines is another personal favourite thing of mine since it reminds me of drawings I used to draw with that style, and it also reminds me of hand stitching. With the idea of having the broken up lines, the scissors suddenly made a lot of sense. I toyed with the idea of having bows, but having just bows didn’t ‘feel right’ for me.

I always have an idea in my head for a tattoo and I just know, or feel, if it’s okay or not. Sometimes it needs a little bit of change before it clicks. When the scissors and the cut lines came together as being one tattoo, it clicked! Alkaline Trio have covered the song by the Cure called Cut Here [video] and the beauty of all of this is that The Cure is my bestie’s favourite band, and the song is about missing someone, and she’s the one I always miss [and her birthday is in June] and well, all of this coming together was perfect for me even though she hates the tattoo I’ve been trying for us to get tattoos together for ages but it still hasn’t happened so I had to go ahead and do it myself. Hahahaha. (⌒▽⌒) I can see why it looks like the scissors are cutting my cupcakes in half or something but that’s ok – that means we can share!

At the same session I got the AFI bunny but not as an exact copy. I basically got two fangirl tattoos in one go, although it’s not too obvious that this one is for AFI. Fans will see it, but I didn’t want to just colour the entire bunny in black like the album art it’s taken from [Decemberunderground]. I also didn’t want the outline on its own as I’d seen examples of that and it just didn’t work for me.

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Then suddenly everything made sense in my head: I wanted a white bunny. White tattoos are hard to do so I left Ruth to do her own thing but I’m incredibly happy. I think it looks so much better than if I had just put outlines, or all black! She did such a great job bringing this little guy to life!

White bunnies have meaning to me for various reasons. 1] AFI: not only is this the album art, but AFI references rabbits quite a lot. 2] This also ties in with AFI. Both Davey [AFI lead singer] and myself have the sign of the Rabbit in the Chinese zodiac. If you read about what Rabbit’s supposed character traits are, I would say, I am a Rabbit through and through! [But I am also a Cat in the Vietnamese zodiac, which is also very very true!] ^_~ 3] The white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland is always late, and I am totally always late. 4] It also had to be in my shoulder because my inner Matrix fangirl just needed that to happen.

Aaaaand lastly [for now, huuhuu ♪(´ε` )] there’s my Aurora tattoo which sadly still needs to be finished. ;o

☆ Lolita in the woods ☆

Aurora is meaningful to me because she’s one of my favourite princesses, obviously, but as a princess by herself she’s not the most inspiring one. Well, I mean, she spends half of the movie in a trance and then asleep, so, pretty whatever. However, right now she represents my love of the princesses in general until I somehow get more tattoos of my other favourites, haha. (^ω^)

My sister’s middle name is Aurora, and I thought it fitting to honour her with a beautiful princess image from one of my favourite movies! Yay! I absolutely love art nouveau and Alphonse Mucha so when I found the Disney princess homages done by Enrique Pita to honour Mucha’s work, I thought that was so perfect! Obviously I had the dress done in blue because it’s the best colour, and I kind of find it hilarious how the battle over blue vs pink is such a theme in the movie, as it’s also very much a theme in my life (*≧▽≦)ノシ)) To make it fit better as a tattoo the frame was copied so it’s on both sides, and the text was removed because I’m not a fan of text tattoos at all.

My latest work has all been by Ruth at Oddfellows here in Leeds, she’s absolutely amazing and is very accommodating to all my (vegan) tattoo questions and ideas. The other artists do amazing work as well, I really really recommend them if you’re in Leeds!

Welp, that’s it, thanks for the question! Don’t be shy to ask some more!

xoxo